


Trauma

by princiere



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira doesnt like being vulnerable, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Bruises, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, poor boy cries :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22565566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princiere/pseuds/princiere
Summary: Akira never liked to talk about his problems. Even after the interrogation and the treatment he was put through, he didn't want to bring it up for fear of worrying his teammates.Unfortunately, it all suddenly became too much, and you were the only one around to help.[Gender Neutral Reader]
Relationships: Kurusu Akira/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 120





	Trauma

**Author's Note:**

> hi! I have another hyperfixation!
> 
> so despite all my fics being (character)/reader, I've only recently found the f/o community and they've helped me think of a lot of fic ideas and scenarios, so hopefully I'll have much more content in the future! for now though, I want Angst >:3c
> 
> (I promise it ends well lmao I can't live with myself unless it has a happy ending)

No one was aware of what affected Akira, and how badly it did so.

His friends were aware of his discontent towards authorities, especially the police, and simply assumed it was due to his unjustified criminal record that made him feel this way.

While that much was true, the reasoning was far worse than he let the others believe.

After everything that happened with Akechi, including his betrayal, Akira was now traumatized by the beatings and forced drug intake that was inflicted on him whilst being interrogated. Handcuffs, syringes, certain words, and even raised voices were now able to send Akira into an episode of anxiety.

While, for the most part, he's good at hiding his trauma, there are times where he just can't stay strong, no matter what.

Now one person was aware of what affected Akira, and how badly it did so.

Upon meeting you, something about you drew him to your presence. As time went on, he found himself falling deeper in love with you, and when he came clean about his feelings, nothing relieved him more than when you excitedly reciprocated his feelings.

Right now, however, he fully regretted coming clean.

Akira hated feeling vulnerable. Being the leader of the Phantom Thieves taught him to feel obligated to always stay strong, so that the team never felt discouraged during a mission. That, and he couldn't afford to let the enemy figure out any of his weaknesses and use them against him. If any of the shadows he came across reminded him of... _that_ time, he'd grit his teeth and power through it.

Unfortunately, powering through trauma he wasn't prepared to face yet was taking its toll on him, physically and mentally.

Even more unfortunate, you were ungodly worried about him, and that made him feel even worse.

Akira knew you only meant well - coming home covered in cuts and bruises is surely to worry any loved ones, especially your partner - but...seeing how worried you were, combined with how the shadows he fought taunted him with those god forbidden words, with the familiar feeling of gut-wrenching pain in his stomach, and the bruising on his face...

"...Akira?"

It all suddenly felt like too much.

Everything began to felt hazy, just like before, and Akira almost fell to the floor, had it not been for you to catch him just as he was on his knees. He could feel his throat grow dry, presumably because he was starting to breathe rapidly. Akira could barely notice that, however, over the throbbing pain in his chest, while everything else went numb.

Though rather faint, he could hear you talking to him. "Breathe with me, okay?" You instructed.

Akira couldn't follow at first. After a few moments, he finally registered your request, and tried to focus everything on breathing.

It felt like he was gasping for air, leading him to have a coughing fit from his dry throat. Still, it grounded him enough that he could hear you over his pounding heartbeat now.

You were touching him.

In a sudden fit of panic, Akira jerked away from your touch, falling down to the floor and hitting his head on the wall just behind him. His breathing picked up again, but only for a moment, as he started to register his surroundings again.

He was in the living room of the apartment he shared with you. Despite how he was sent back to his hometown after highschool, he moved back so he could be with you and his friends. It'd only been a few months since then, so it took him a minute to recognize the living room he was in. It also didn't help that his glasses were apparently flung somewhere during all of this, so everything was still rather blurry.

It didn't take him long to notice your shocked figure, however. You were still on your knees, not moving from where you were due to Akira's violent response to your physical touch. You looked as though you were desperately trying not to cry, but it wasn't working.

Before he even thought to do so, Akira launched forward to envelop you in a tight embrace. You clenched onto his jacket for dear life, muttering, "I'm sorry, _I'm sorry_ , I didn't know, I-"

"It's okay." He breathed, still panting as he came down from his episode. "It's okay."

"No it's not." You adamantly denied. "Something happened, Akira, it _hurt_ you and I _didn't know_ , I-I-"

Instinctively taking on the leader role again, Akira hushed you, refusing to let go of you. As he tucked his face into your shoulder, he insisted, "You didn't know, so it's okay. I promise."

"But you didn't tell me."

Akira began to feel that pain in his stomach again.

"Y-You didn't tell me, so I wouldn't have been able to help, Akira."

"...I know."

Neither of you said a word, holding onto each other as if your life depended on it. After what felt like ages, you finally relaxed, allowing Akira to pull away enough to look at you.

He almost couldn't look at your eyes. They were red and puffy from all the tears, and it wasn't until now that Akira noticed his shoulder was completely damp. As you took a deep breath and glanced around his face, you eventually told him, "Let's...get you cleaned up."

Akira knew he couldn't say no, so once the two of you rose to your feet, you hesitantly but gently took his hand and led him to the bathroom. He wordlessly sat down on the toilet while you dug around in the cabinets for the medical kit.

You knew of what Akira does when he's not at work or at home, so this wasn't the first time the two of you shared a moment like this in the bathroom. This time, however, the air was much heavier and tense.

This was why Akira hated being vulnerable. People eventually see the ugly parts of your character.

"I don't expect you to tell me what happened just yet," You spoke up, snapping Akira out of his daze, "but...could you at least tell me what to avoid so... _this_...doesn't happen again?"

"..."

During the silence, you found the medical kit. You paused to glance over to him, but when Akira didn't say anything, you resumed what you were doing and opened the box. As you took out the regulars - antibiotic cream, gauze, and bandages - Akira finally spoke up.

"Handcuffs...needles...and...other things..."

It was a start, but the vagueness at the end wasn't helping anyone. "Don't push yourself if you don't want to think about it right now." You told him.

"No...I at least owe it to you to-"

" _Akira-_ "

He flinched, despite how you didn't raise your voice at all. Instantly regretting your action, you stepped to be at his side. You reached your hand out, but recoiled. "Is it...alright if I touch you?" You asked first.

Akira glanced up to you, and then your hand. "...Yes."

Carefully, you knelt down so your eye level was lower than his, cupping his less injured cheek in one hand while taking his hand in the other. "Why didn't you tell me something so horrible happened to you?" You asked him.

Akira could only stare down at your joined hands for a few moments. He almost looked distant, as if he was mentally pushing himself away. You didn't push him to answer, and after another moment, he swallowed. "I..." He muttered, moving his free hand to the one on his cheek. "I didn't want anyone to worry."

You sighed. "Akira-"

"I'm sorry."

You felt your concern skyrocket when you noticed his voice become shaky. It was then you felt a tear hit the hand on your cheek, and you stood up to hug him again. Akira whispered a mantra of " _I'm sorry,_ " as countless tears began to spill down his battered and bruised cheeks.

His chest still hurt from earlier, so this wasn't helping his situation. But he couldn't help but feel terrible, for not only refusing to tell you about what happened that made him so terrified, but for also making you so worried about him.

He's the leader of the _Phantom Thieves_ , no one should be worried about him, as far as he's concerned.

But now, his mindset is backfiring on him, and that too scared him immensely.

Despite how he was still sobbing, you pulled away just enough to plant small kisses around his face. Akira shut his eyes out of embarrassment for being seen in such a vulnerable state, yet you continued to kiss along his bruised skin, even kissing his tear-stained cheeks. He almost tried to cover his face with his hands, but you took hold of them just as they started moving. He didn't try to pull away from your attention, and admittedly, he didn't want to.

He just wished you'd be showing affection under different circumstances. Not when he's so beaten up and weak.

Eventually, Akira's tears quieted down, and he opened his eyes to see you staring back at him. However, your expression didn't show any pity or fear, as you'd previously shown.

It was more as if you were simply watching him, waiting for a response.

"...Thank you." Akira could only think to say in that moment. You only gave a simple nod in response.

...

"Can I kiss you?" You asked.

"My lip got cut and bruised too, though."

"I don't care."

Akira stared at you for a moment, before giving a nod. As you leaned in, he also found himself leaning in as well.

...

Unsurprisingly, the contact made his mouth sting for a second, but it soon numbed the longer you kissed him. He felt the pain in his stomach and chest fade as well, until he felt as though he wasn't badly injured to begin with.

For a moment, Akira found himself in a different time. Perhaps to get away from this painful situation.

_"Hey, Akira?"_

_The raven-haired boy looked over to your relaxed figure, sitting across the counter from him at Leblanc. You'd been nursing your cup for a while now, staring at anything but him. Clearly you were nervous about something, but Akira never pushed you to talk, knowing that you'll tell him sooner or later._

_"Yes?"_

_"Uhm..." Flushed, you stared down at your cup, rubbing your thumb along the rim. "I...I know we haven't been dating long, but..."_

_You paused. In an attempt to help, Akira moved around the counter and took the seat next to you. It's not like there was anyone else in the shop at the time._

_"_____-"_

_"I love you."_

_The silence that followed was deafening, and just as you were about to backpedal, Akira took your shoulder, making you turn to him._

_Before either of you were thinking, Akira pressed his lips to yours, and you returned the sentiment immediately. The taste of coffee still lingered on his mouth, only adding to the bliss._

_It felt like **him**. It felt like **Akira**._

_After a short eternity, he pulled away, aware but uncaring of the flush on his own cheeks now._

_"I love you too."_

Akira was finally sent back to reality when you pulled away. He noticed a small spot of blood on your lip, and was violently reminded of what was happening.

That's _his_ blood.

"I'm sorry."

"You're okay." You gave a light smile. Just as quickly as you smiled, it disappeared. "How do you feel?"

Akira glanced away, then looked back to you. "Good."

...

He could tell you knew he was lying.

"...Better than earlier, at least."

"That's a start." You straightened yourself, stepping back over to the medical kit. "Will you be alright with being cleaned up?"

"Yea."

"Okay. Tell me if you change your mind."

With that, you began to take a washcloth and run it under warm water. As you wrung out the excess water, Akira stared down at his hands. They were covered in small blotches of red and blue, either via bruises or blood.

He felt gross. He was starting to become vividly aware of the sweat on his face, and the pain in his body slowly started to return.

"Akira?"

The Phantom Thief snapped out of it at the sound of your voice. "Yes?"

Kneeling down in front of him with the damp cloth, you asked, "How do you feel?"

Genuinely? He felt disgusted with himself, physically and mentally.

"...I feel gross."

"Did you want to take a shower first?"

Akira knew that'd really help, but...

"...I hurt too much for that."

He hated that the more he talked about how he really felt, the more disgusting he felt. Again with his discontent towards feeling vulnerable...

"How about a bath?" You suggested. "I can join, if you want help."

As nice as that sounded, Akira genuinely didn't know how much longer he could take this. He appreciates the help, he really does, but-

"I'm sorry." He said again.

"It's okay." You told him. "We can just work on cleaning your injuries for now, okay?"

"..."

You hadn't touched Akira yet, watching as he wrung his hands and stared at a particular tile on the floor. "What are you thinking right now, Akira?" You asked.

"I'm sorry."

"You're okay."

"..."

You noticed how nervous he looked. "Can you tell me what you're thinking?" You tried again.

Akira parted his lips, closed them again, then took a deep breath before confessing, "I...I hate feeling vulnerable."

He almost looked like he was about to have another panic attack, and admittedly, he sure as hell felt like he was going to. You stayed quiet for a moment, then said, "I figured."

Akira clenched his teeth, almost about to cry again. You sounded disappointed, and he wasn't sure what hurt more: all the ache currently coursing through his body, or hearing the sadness in your voice and knowing that it's _his_ fault you were upset.

"But...are you okay with getting help? Just for right now. I just want to help you not hurt right now. Don't think about anything else."

...

"...Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Akira swallowed, aware of his dry throat again. "I...I trust you."

You gently smiled. "That's good." You carefully reached out to cup his cheek. "I trust you too, okay?"

Akira nodded.

As you began to clean his face, you added, "I trust that...you'll talk to me when something's wrong, okay?"

"...Yea. And...I trust that you'll do the same...?"

"Of course." You smiled again.

And, for the first time that day, Akira smiled too.

×-♡-×

It was the dead of the night later that day. Akira was now bandaged up, and while he still had a good amount of bruises showing, he felt a lot better.

Granted, he still felt a bit gross physically since he couldn't shower, but it was a hell of a lot better than earlier.

"Thank you, by the way." He muttered as he held you close in bed.

"It's no problem." You smiled, leaning to kiss his cheek. "I'm just glad you're doing better."

"Yea..." Akira stared at you for a moment. "...I love you."

"I love you too."

As much as he wanted to kiss you, his lip was still injured and he'd only start hurting again if he indulged himself. "Uhm..."

"Hm?" You inquired.

Akira opened his mouth to apologize again, but closed it. Then, he muttered, "I...I think I can tell you now. Not what happened, but...what to avoid."

You looked up to him for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"Yea."

Akira elaborated on his triggers, mentioning how certain words like "punk" make him nervous now, and how he can't handle people touching his stomach without him knowing beforehand due to how he was treated. He couldn't get himself to explain how he got these triggers, but you wouldn't let him do so either way.

"I don't need to know every little detail of what happened." You admitted. "You never have to tell me what happened. I just wanna know what not to do or say."

That...was more than relieving for Akira.

"Thank you." He leaned in to connect his forehead to yours.

...

Akira decided to indulge himself anyway, and closed the rest of the space between you and him. His lip stung like hell again, and he knew you were definitely going to scold him, but he figured it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> did I mention I'm a slut for characters trusting someone enough that they grow to feel alright with being vulnerable in front of them? y e a


End file.
